I Know God, Maybe

I know that is a crazy question to ask as a Christian.
But based on my upbringing, you would understand. I grew up learning that God is all about punishing us when we sin. I grew up learning that and that if I did wrong, I would be punished by God and that bad things merely happen when I sin. Growing up with this mentality helped me live a life that avoid sinful actions, but it sure hurt me to know who God is. I was a Christian for over eight years before I understand who God was; yes, I went to church. I took part in various ministry, and even in college, I was a member of Campus Crusade for Christ. Yet, I was lost in the sense of my identity in Christ. I had still contested with sin and wondered how God loves us if no one is righteous? Why would God want us only when we are perfect? He made us. These and other questions help me grow in my understanding of God. 
 
Why would God want us only when we are perfect? He made us!  It was the death of my mom during my last year in college that brought me to understand the love of God. While grieving, I stopped visiting churches; I was also mad at God. I mean who takes a girl’s mom away from her? That is just not fair. I went out driving one Sunday morning and came to a church and went in. That stop led to such a powerful worship service; when I left, I forgot I was grieving. Yes, those worship services still exist today! From this experience of renewal and transformation through worship, I learned who God is really! That is:
 
• God is a loving God, his love is unconditional: It is not based on what we do; it is based on who we are, and like our  parents, we can never give DNA up, same with God. Once we are his children, nothing changes. (Romans 8:38-39)
• My action doesn't change his love: I am already perfected in Christ, so I need not struggle with sin anymore, I can sin, but the choice of sin has lessened. (Romans 6:14)
• His love change my action: When I understand God loves me, it makes me want to do things that are pleasing to him, so my life becomes more a relationship and left of some religious obligations. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
• God is not a judge sitting in heaven waiting to punish us: He wants to know us. (Psalm 86:15)
• Christ death display love: Christ is the choicest character to advise us about the love of God (John 10:30)
 
It's painful to adjust your mindset when it is previously formed. This mentality is why Jesus grants us the comforter to inform us of all things because he knows we will need guidance besides our Bible to learn how to live in this world. Today, I am still learning about God, and seeking to be closer to him through Christ, not by my action; instead, I am trying to get closer to God with my heart because from my heart grows my action.
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